a new bby on the way <3333333
so. i feel the need to gloat and just generally sprinkle the happy fairy dust all over. 
i just bought myself a nikon d3100, a decent entry-level dslr. dad was okay with it, so i got it. 
it comes in a 26-pc kit which includes the following (copied from the ebay seller’s item details):
- Nikon D3100 14.2 Megapixel DX-format CMOS Image Sensor delivers beautiful photographs. 3-in. monitor with One-Touch Live View shooting and movie capture. Fast 11-point Autofocus System delivers razor-sharp pictures. 6 Automatic Exposure Scene Modes Just set the Mode dial to Portrait, Landscape, Child, Sports, Close-up or Night Portrait for stunning results in otherwise challenging conditions. Full 1080p HD Cinematic Video with full-time autofocus and sound lets you record cinematic-quality movies in Full 1080p HD format (1920 x 1080 pixels). In-camera Image Editing allows creative freedom, without the need for a computer, offering easy editing functions.
- Nikon 18-55mm F3.5-5.6G AF-S DX VR Zoom Lens is versatile 3x all purpose zoom lens , 18-55mm Zoom-Nikon with Silent-Wave Motor auto focusing and Nikon VR image stabilization to combat picture blur caused by camera shake for sharper hand held pictures. Ideal for many types of photography especially portrait and landscapes.
- .40x Super Wide Angle Fisheye Lens helps you create a curved effect or flat effect while zooming high image quality and speed. Great lens to use to photograph scenery.
- 2x Telephoto Lens doubles lens zoom capacity. Perfect for sporting events, distance, and outside shots. Includes Protective lens case.
- +1,+2,+4,+10 Close Up Macro Kit helps maintain resolution and picture clarity. Magnifying image size plus. Double-threaded allowing you to combine them to achieve increased magnification. Ideal for detailed shots on small items.
- UV Filter protects your camera’s lens from scratches, dust, dirt, moisture & fingerprints, while removing unwanted ultraviolet light. The UV Filter reduces blue hazed caused by UV light.
- Circular Polarizer Filter deepens and intensifies blue skies, achieves vibrant colors and reduces glare and reflections from non-metallic objects and glass surfaces. A MUST for outdoor photography.
- (2) 4GB Memory Card with high memory capacity and fast write speed, are geared for medium format and DSLR users shooting in RAW format.
- Deluxe Camera Bag is the perfect compliment to hold your equipment. It features a shock proof nylon material and is water resistant. It has a removable divider, rubber feet, shoulder strap and handle grip. Limited Lifetime Warranty.
- Camera Holster Case has a padded grab handle, protective rainflap lid, metal zipper pulls and has interior accessory pockets. Thickly soft padding for maximum protection. Accommodates DSLR with attached zoom lens and accessories. Dimensions (WxDxH): 6.3 x 4.8 x 6.7in / 16.0 x 12.1 x 17.0.
- Memory Card Reader that reads your memory card and transfers its contents to your computer.
- Extra Rechargeable Battery so you will never be without power.
- Memory Card Wallet
- 11-Piece Kit includes deluxe video & camera shoulder strap, tripod, tripod carrying case, 5 piece cleaning kit (5 cotton swabs, fiber cloth, lens cleaning fluid, blower brush & lens tissues), universal screen protectors, Corel MediaOne Editing Software (quickly & easily improve and enhance your photos and videos in an instant with only a few clicks) and 110/220 Volt Adapter.
- 3 Year Celltime Warranty Repair Package
Ah.
Finally.
:) I can’t wait for snow again! I wanna take pics of pretty snowflakes! <3
So this means I gotta work real hard. D: Sigh. this just complicated things for me.
Update: I just worked it out. It’ll take me 3 months to get things back to where they were. :D Hopefully I stay within the budget. :D
heh. /insert smugness
Sooo. I’m done with finals. :D so happy! Am currently at the airport right now, waiting for my flight in ATLANTA and then off to LOS ANGELES! :D hee.
This is like, the highlight of my semester. :D gonna savor the taste of Sin City and Tinseltown while I can, as I soak up the sights. :D
So, about my exams. I think I’m doing well this semester, with the exception of Biology, of course. Barring any freakish outcomes, and with the predicted D in Bio, I should be getting GPA 3.38. Imagine if, by some freakish miracle, I get a C in Bio, my GPA will be 3.47. I’m trying to get it up to 3.8/3.9.
I’m not bragging or anything, but I do feel really good putting in a bit of effort into my education. I’ve always mostly relied too much on my own perceived intelligence rather than work on it. So it’s kinda satisfying when you actually realize your work paid off! I’ll (hopefully) be doing the same thing for next year. :)
So, technically I didn’t work as hard as other people would. I just worked hard on studying smarter. In Physics, I hardly ever pay attention, so I try to do the homework and gain more understanding from there. In Japanese, you gotta pay attention, so I did. Turns out I’m a fast learner for language. What else? Martial arts was fun. Got an A. Ooo Abnormal Psychology. It is such fun subject, I love it, although towards the later chapters were too boring for me.
Heh. In other words, God is with me. Even in bio. I’m actually doing well in lab, so it’s no biggie. Too bad lab isn’t a different course :(
Anyway, what else?? Oooh. Holidays! Yes. Going on another vacation! <3 :) This time to the West Coast. In Spring, after getting my licence, imma hit up the East Coast, and maybe a trip to down to FLORIDA and upwards to OHIO. Florida for Disneyworld, and OHIO for Cedar Point – home of awesome rollercoasters. :D and summer for other places I may have not visited yet, or Europe. Depends. Ooh, perhaps next winter break in Hawaii! :D Yeah baby. Livin’ it up! :D
So that’s about it for now. :D heh. Toodles.
:D just a random post
If You Were Born Today, October 10: You possess the charm, sense of balance, and intelligence of Libra, but you are more confrontational and outgoing than others born under the sign of the Balance. You seek to forge an identity that is unique and distinctive. You have excellent organizational skills and you have the ability to lay down solid, practical plans. You have an unusual and charming voice or manner of speech, and you take special pleasure and delight in surprising, or even shocking, others. With your playful and friendly manner, it might surprise people to know that you are actually quite ambitious. Famous people born today: David Lee Roth, Tanya Tucker, James Clavell, Helen Hayes, Ed Wood.
redemption.
Today, the host at my church told us an anecdote about our school’s volleyball team. Basically, he knew 2 of the girls on the team, and their dads were from other states farther away. It was their last game – they were seniors – and they were playing a tough team – USF. They were losing the first 2 games, picked up the slack in other 2 sets, until the last tiebreaker game. We lost, but it didn’t matter. The dads came running in, and hugged their kids, and basically told them how proud they were – despite losing the game.
He related this to how God’s like to us. He loves us, is proud of us, despite our failings.
And that broke me. I’ve been struggling with living as who I am, as a Christian, and I’m just really happy to be reminded of the truth: God still loves me, although I disappoint him. He’s there, cheering me on – though I’m beginning to feel hopeless about my studies.
And being reminded of how awesome of a dad He is just makes me miss my own dad. Someone who’s living up to God’s standards with all that he can. I miss home.
frustration. ignorance.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” — Matthew 7:1-2
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”– Luke 6:27-28.
it’s so frustrating for me.
Dear Daddy,
i know that you’ve been in my shoes. people have been judging you since day 1. they took one look at you, and they hated you first. even your friends turned against you.
i pray for my friends, and me. i pray that in whatever i do, i will endure it with your patience, your love, your faith. i pray that no matter what, i will try to see it through your eyes, and to love with your heart. i pray also that in doing so, my friends would be transformed too, and so will i.
i pray that i will remain strong in my faith, that i will not be tempted to follow the ways of the world. i will not strive to be accepted by them, but to be different, and to embrace the ones who are cast aside by the world’s hurtful ignorance. i pray for those who judge me, Lord, for they do know not what they are doing.
Daddy, i pray for your mercy and grace to cover me always. keep me grounded in your love. keep my feet firmly planted in your ways. Lord, forgive me when i judge others. i have forgotten just how much i should be judged.
Amen.
shocked.
i mean, how far can we go if we make statements like, “I hate the pro-life license plates I see everywhere. Boulder is pretty liberal but Colorado is still a conservative state, and people aren’t shy about it. the pro-life displays and set ups I’ve seen around campus are enraging, to say the least. :|” ?
i’m just really upset. i mean, i get it – your choice is important to you. but… at the cost of another life? really? they talk about mercy being the factor – that this world isn’t worth living in, so they’re not bringing a baby into it… but that just defeats the purpose of your argument, doesn’t it? if you’re all about choice, about women making choices for themselves, about people making choices about their bodies, surely you would let someone, a being, make their choice about their lives?
you talk about being moral, being caring for the orphans who get kicked around by foster homes… and you talk about saving them by making a choice for them that they may never be born in the first place? who are you to make that decision for them? why, why do you only see your own convenience? you don’t need to bear the responsibility of raising a child, you don’t need to bear the grief of seeing your child suffer and such… a matter of convenience, no?
i just. i just don’t get you on this. why can’t people just love? why do they need to set the conditions for love? why?
pent-up emotions.
i don’t usually get so riled up much. lately, that’s been an exception.
i work only 8 hours a week, but i mostly have to cook and also go for tutoring. i do not have time for myself. fridays and sundays are of course, for God. not begrudging him for that. in fact, it is because i’m so out of it and so tired that i realized just how important time management is.
okay, i’m writing this post not to pick my time management skills apart, but to let out how i feel. i guess my heart has been so hard for so long it’s a shock for me to feel this much. but it’s been like, 3 months now, so i guess i’m holding up pretty well. :)
anyway.
i’m the kind of person who doesn’t like being belittled – for anything (can be bad in some cases). i hate it when someone tosses a comment that makes me sound worthless 0r useless. whenever someone dishes out that sort of comment, i rise up to the challenge, so to speak.
so lately a friend of mine has been saying things that are getting waaaaaaaaaaay under my skin. i don’t think she knows what she’s doing, other than asserting her superiority in the field, so i guess what i’m dealing with here is a case of inflated ego. here’s a list of things that she’s said that’s got me all fired up:
- i’ve known you for a year, think i don’t know you well enough?
- your cooking? omg, your housemate isn’t gonna get diarrhea right? (or something to that effect)
- you? dance? oh please. are you sure you’re not making a fool out of yourself?
- you? keep your room neat? really???
- you, bake? please don’t burn the house down.
oh, gee, i wonder what’s next? “oh, you, ALIVE???”
==
so i rose to the occasion. i danced harder, i danced better. when i play badminton, i make her run. when i cook, i perfect it. when i clean my room, I DAMN WELL MAKE SURE IT’S DAMN CLEAN. and when i start baking, baby, you’re gonna be licking my toes.
just because they know me for a year, doesn’t mean they know me completely. i don’t even judge you. i don’t even think that one year is enough to tell me who you really are. i can cook now, and i know how to break the recipe apart and figure things out. i can analyze it and tailor it to my needs. and when i dance, sure i will suck at first, but hey, watch me move after 2 lessons, and i’d tell ya, you’ll be running out of breath to catch up with me. i cleaned my room, and i shall maintain it. i will start baking. and you will loveeeeeee it.
i won’t even deign to tell it to your face. i don’t need to prove anything to you, because these are skill sets that i’m interested in developing in myself. i just wish that you’ll give me more room to be someone. a human. an individual.
but i guess the only thing you’re interested in is in proving me a weakling.
you know something?
i am not.
i am capable in anything i choose to be, through Him who strengthens me.
by the end of next week, i shall be able to bake 2 kinds of pie, 3 new dishes and 2 new soups.
yes, this is my pride talking. probably. i don’t know. i just want a challenge. i will rise up to it.
watch me.
Awesome Date Ideas
Pretend you’ve never met, then loudly try out lame pickup lines in a swanky bar. Act like they worked.
- Go on a walking journey and every fifteen feet draw a chalk arrow in the direction you’re going. At the end of the trip, leave a big pile of chalk.
- Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen
- Go for a drive. You can only make right-hand turns. When you finally get stuck, turn around and then you can only make left-hand turns. Repeat until you find something interesting. Take pictures along the way!
- Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes.
- Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books
- Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck.
- Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.
- Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. Have an unabashed good time!
- Hide and seek in the park
- Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things
- Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. With fake names.
- Go for a drive with the passenger blindfolded, choosing directions at random. see where you end up
- Dress up as pirates, commandeer shopping carts, and have a war upon the high seas.. er, parking lot.
- Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence
- Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue.
- Dress up as pirates and go parrot shopping at local pet stores
- Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.
- Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras
- In the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. Have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. Bring a sun umbrella.
Dealing with Insecurity
I know quite a few individuals in my circle of friends who are very insecure about themselves. They try not to show it because they think it’s a sign of weakness. It is. But just because it is a sign of weakness, doesn’t mean that they should keep it hidden forever. Most people would try to fix insecurity by patching it up with different things such as talents, friends, relationships, popularity, fame, and money. None of these would ever successfully cure you of your insecurity.
For me, I’ve been struggling with it for nearly all my life. I’m very pleased to tell you that I have found the way to crack it. To deal with insecurity.
First of all, there are a few things you gotta understand:
- Insecurity is a form of identity crisis: “I don’t know who I am, without…”
- Dealing with insecurity means that you gotta understand that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.
So, how to deal with it?
Ask yourself, what do you feel most insecure about? Are you afraid, that someday when you change a bit of your personality, you’ll be left without friends? Are you afraid, that if you lost a particular talent, you won’t have the same measure of success you once did? Are you afraid that without your popularity with the opposite sex, you’re an ugly and unattractive person?
Once you figure that out, you’ll know why you feel insecure. I’ll tell you why. All these things – people, popularity, fame, talents, money, success – are temporal and changeable. They are mutable. They do not and will not last, ever. The sooner you understand that, the better. We crave for permanence, for a sense of belonging, for stability. That is our very nature. Despite everything, these are the things that we desire, and we look for solutions in all the wrong places. The only one who can give you that permanence, stability and sense of belonging is Christ. God. Jesus. He doesn’t change. He is immutable. And He loves you.
So, root your identity in Christ. What do I mean by that? Well, the reason it’s called the Good News (in my opinion) is partly because it gives us the security we have been looking for. Look at the Jews before the coming of Christ. They had to work for their salvation. They had to be nothing less than perfect to ensure their place in heaven. Look at what happened when Christ came – people constantly told that God loves them, no matter how ugly they think they look, no matter how imperfect they are. God loves them, and all they had to do was to love him back, and to show the rest of the world that God loves them too. I am secure in the knowledge that no matter how badly I mess up, as long as I look to God, and lean on His strength, and draw breath from His grace, I am saved. I am forever saved. My soul has found its home. So, by rooting your identity in Christ, you are basically admitting and acknowledging that you are and always will be a child of God, unless of course, you choose to give it up. Your birthright, just like what Esau did. You can do it, but why? What for? A fleeting moment’s worth of pleasure? It’s not worth it.
Think of all the promises you can claim to. Think of all the goodness you can do, freely. Think of all the people who will be saved by the knowledge that God loves them. This is your birthright. Why, why should you give it up for temporal things?
When something threatens to shake my peace, I turn to Him. I know He’ll take care of it, just as He promised He would. In the meantime, I figure out how I can overcome it as well, and how I can teach others to overcome it. God’s plans for you are always wonderful, beyond your imagination. Beyond. It will be mindblowing, it will be fantastic. It will be uber awesome. He, the Creator of the universe, is asking you to trust him. Why won’t you?
awkward.
my heart is full.
it is repaired.
healed.
i’ve been dwelling on it, since i found out. it took me a lonely train ride to ponder on things, and resolve it with a fool-proof solution: prayer. it worked instantaneously, actually. i found myself renewed, in thoughts. when i got off the train, it felt like a burden was lifted off of me. i was so glad.
today, i was challenged. and i rose up to it. proudly.
i have no fear. no more lingering doubt. and no regrets. my soul is purged.
frustration.
identity crisis
im stuck.
who am i now?
at each milestone in my life – primary school, secondary, college, now university – i’ve always changed. deliberately. i adjust, change, and evolve the better techniques. as of now, i feel as though i’m stuck in college. is this because i still have ties to inti?
when i look back, i usually take a few friendships out of the school context, and they flourish well. those that are so ingrained within the school environment usually die when exposed to the real world. i would then cut my ties to my previous lives. and now, i try so hard to bring the latter type of friendship to the real world. i suppose i should leave them be. leave them, and cherish the few that i have now. i have not cut my ties. in fact, i willingly let myself be trapped in it.
i should go on. move on, beyond. never again.
become someone beyond recognition. better. the best.
slytherin.
heck yeah. i’m a slytherin. no way around it. oh well.
mm.
so.
i was thinking, you know, about making a survival guide in the US. but it varies from state to state. meh. iuno. see la. so far there isn’t any extended interest in doing so.
sooooooooooooooooooooooo.
i’m leaving soon. for the airport. for nilai.
i feel kinda bad though. i’ve been sorta avoiding the nagging and unnecessary lectures. and there was some collateral damage: my uncle. 
i’m sorry, but ah. for the sake of self-preservation. omg. here we go again. gahhhhhhhh. ai. my patience is running thin. my sarcasm level is reaching an all-time high. venom is nearly released. gahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i normally just suck it in and keep my cool. normally. but if you continually press the panic button, the anger button, the annoying button… it’s bound to malfunction at some point eh? i need something to take my mind off things. idk what. oh well. so. it’s been a difficult 5-day trip. honestly, feels like forever. ==
i don’t usually bottle up my emotions, contrary to popular belief. someone said that i don’t trust other people with my emotions. haha, wrong. i do, just that i have a select few with whom i’m honest. =D these people are the kind that i can trust to be objective and rational about handling my emotions. thank God for them. when i do bottle up my emotions, it’s because i don’t have a proper outlet to release them. such as privacy to do my own things. like i said, no privacy, no freedom. ==
change.
i know i changed a lot. but how?
lol. well. for some reason, i’ve gotten… more ruthless and calculative.
people usually see me as a nice, easygoing person to talk to. little do they know that i evaluate my interactions and weigh the pros and cons in my mind before actually interacting with them. i’m not calculative with money, never will be anyway. but i’ve always been calculative with my affection, trust and favor. yeah, i sound as though i’m somebody eh? lol. iuno. a conversation with a friend of mine comes to mind. we were talking about her not having a good rep among her acquaintances, and i told her that being nice just once or twice is all it takes to sweeten the relationship. especially with people you’re not close to. i don’t share my heart out with people, partly because well, come to think of it, i don’t have one. sometimes i think i’m a sociopath, but then i do have occasional bouts of empathy, so that can’t be my problem, can it?
but i told her, that if she needs something, she’s gotta know how to sweeten the relationship before asking for something. the both of us could care less about what other people think, but these people would then spread the word about our callousness, and that wouldn’t be favorable to our future endeavors now, would it? so it’s always best to just make them feel good, even if we don’t mean it, they won’t know unless we tell them. they show amazing short-sightedness when it comes to human goodness. human, inherently and naturally good? i think not. we were, once. that’s an old story.
so. the end justifies the means. sometimes, not so. sigh. iuno. all i know is that sometimes, i do feel tempted to just voice out opinions that i know would shake foundations. XD people would call me a heretic.
is it because i like being different? possibly. i don’t like conforming. i’ve always had a problem with authority and rules. lol. don’t we all? for me, it’s rather chronic. meh. doesn’t matter.
of the many privileges in life that i have, i value my freedom and privacy a lot. i don’t fancy it being taken away from me. since going over to the West, it’s been a bliss. no one dares to cast a judgmental eye on my doings. unlike here, even when in Nilai, though i doubt i showed much care for it. i don’t think so. it’s not like i use my freedom and privacy for things frowned upon, i just don’t fancy it being taken away from me by some cocky start-up who thinks it’s their God-given right to impose their beliefs on other people.
14 years, my parents have been taking me to church. i’ve heard the sermons. sermons about repentance, about how we are sinners, how we have damned ourselves. the fire and brimstone. hellfire. and you know what?
it didn’t do much good in bringing me to God. it didn’t make me repent. it didn’t, and wouldn’t shake me.
there’s a reason why God came up with Jesus’ death plan. because the Old Covenant is obsolete. it didn’t do much good, and isn’t about to do any good anyway.
i was 15 when i came to Him. you know why? i found out that my friends prayed for me. and asked strangers to pray for me. i didn’t understand it. i couldn’t. i mean, WHO THE HELL PRAYS FOR STRANGERS? pardon the language, but srsly, wtf?! and i went to a different church after.
it was so different. i was like, whoa. what’s this love thing? so different. and i was healed.
i’ve come a long way from that 12 year old punk in primary school who spent her breaks breaking people’s noses and stuff. and i’m glad.
busy as a bee.
buzzzzzz. buzzzz.
man. when i see a bee, i wanna squash them to pieces. ooh, tummy growl. well. i digress.
i’m so busy!
main priority now is to get the leather cuff bracelet done. then, i have to finish Kylie and Evelyn’s bracelets. hopefully my stock arrives SOON, before my Kuching trip, so I can fulfill Lynne, Enthel and Evelyn’s orders. ={ please Dad, please.
ah. so. for now. sleep. while i still can. Papa is bringing me out to look at some stuff. =)
