Dear Madonna,

What are you thinking? Why on earth did you sleep early last night and wake up late this morning? Why didn’t you seize the day and study instead? Why are you such a slacker? You talk about big dreams and aspirations, but you have not done anything to achieve them. You’re nothing. Get cracking right this instant. I’m truly ashamed of being your imaginary friend. I can’t believe anyone would’ve thought that we were so close. Argh. You disappoint me. In fact, don’t come to me when you’re upset about your results. You deserve it.

Love,
me.